


Three- Avoidance is what this family does best

by kineticstars



Series: Because I’m Weird [3]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Ableism, Autistic Spencer Reid, Canon Autistic Character, asperger’s, autistic headcanon, internalized ableism, neurodivergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:54:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27178186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kineticstars/pseuds/kineticstars
Summary: Reid tells the team he’s autistic. Their reactions are varied.Title taken from a line in s10e6
Series: Because I’m Weird [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965400
Comments: 18
Kudos: 216





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not autistic so if anything is inaccurate please let me know, and tell me what I did right too! 
> 
> Also important to note that Asperger’s isn’t a separate diagnosis anymore (meaning someone can’t be diagnosed with Asperger’s, just autism). I only refer to Reid as having Asperger’s because the story is set around season 8 which came out in 2012/13, before Asperger’s was recognized as being on the autism spectrum.

“Something bothering you, pretty boy?”

Reid’s gaze snapped away from the view outside the jet window to Morgan, who was sitting across from him.

“Sorry, I...what?” Reid asked, shifting to a more attentive position.

“You’ve been acting off since the Rykov case. And for someone who can read 20,000 words per minute it sure isstrange you haven’t turned from that page in at least 10.”

Reid pursed his lips.

“So, what’s bothering you?” Morgan asked again.

It had been two days since Spencer told Hotch about his autism diagnosis. And for two days he had been mulling over how to tell the rest of the team. Should he tell them all together, or individually? Who should he tell first? When? Would it even matter?

He wasn’t sure what to say, he wasn’t sure how they would react. Would they be surprised? Supportive? Or the complete opposite? Mad that he hadn’t told them a year ago when he found out?

Spencer hadn’t even told Maeve yet. She, like most other people, remarked that he was ‘unique’ when she first spoke to him. He loved her, he really did. But could her finding out ruin their relationship? Could his peculiarities, which seemed so quirky over the phone, drive her away?

A lot was bothering him.

“It’s...well, this book is actually kind of boring. I’ve read it a dozen times. It’s ‘The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes’ and for a book about adventures the stories certainly move very slowly. Most of the time I read it to relax because it’s familiar; my mom used to read it to me as a kid. It doesn’t require a lot of thinking to put together the mystery because I already know what happens, and, we’ll, I’m a profiler, so it’s pretty easy to decipher—“

“Reid.”

“What? Oh, I was rambling, wasn’t I? Sorry.”

“You’re avoiding my question, Kid. Does it have something to do with that girl you’re talking to?” Morgan inquired, smiling slightly.

Reid shook his head, closing the book. “No, she’s...irrelevant. I mean, _she’s_ not irrelevant. I’m not suggesting that she’s irrelevant as a person...” Reid sighed. “It’s not really about her, no.”

“Then what is it?”

’ _Stop overthinking it_ ’, Reid thought to himself. ’ _I’ll have to tell them eventually._ ’

Spencer took a breath. “Okay...I’m...” He hesitated, then stood up. “Y’know what? I’m just going to...”

He walked to the front of the cabin, reaching into the pocket of his corduroy pants for the pencil he kept with him. Gradually, members of the team noticed and looked up.

“Spence?” JJ said. “Is everything alright?”

Spencer rolled the pencil between his fingers. “I, uh...have something I need to tell you guys.”

Everyone’s eyes were on him.

He cleared his throat. “So, um...you guys remember that case we were on a few days ago, with that kid Braden?” The team murmured in acknowledgment.

Spencer took a breath. “And...h-how he had Asperger’s syndrome?”

More murmuring and nodding. *Get to the point, Spencer.*

He closed his eyes and shook out his non-pocketed hand. “I’m like him,” he said, opening his eyes. “I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome; I’m autistic.”

Silence.

Blank stares.

_Disbelief? Confusion? What did it all mean?_

JJ was the first to speak up. “Are you...are you serious?”

Spencer blinked. “Yes, I am.”

She nodded curtly, pausing for a moment before returning back to what she’d been doing.

No one else said anything. Spencer didn’t move from the front of the cabin. Frankly, he wasn’t sure _what_ to do. He would have to go sit back across from Morgan, and be bombarded with questions, or judged, or—

“Thank you for telling us, Spencer,” Hotch said.

The relief that washed over Reid was almost indescribable. “You’re welcome,” he said, walking back to his seat and mouthing a small ‘thanks’ to Hotch as he sat back down.

Morgan’s expression was unreadable. It certainly didn’t seem negative, but it wasn’t exactly positive, either. “You wanna talk about it here, kid? Or when we get back?” he asked as Spencer took his seat again.

“There isn’t much to talk about,” Spencer said flatly.

“I know, I just...have a couple of questions. That’s all.”

Reid nodded.

“You know what, why don’t you come up to my office and we can talk? Just me and you,” Morgan suggested.

Spencer couldn’t think of anything to say, so he didn’t, only nodded, smiled, and opened his book again.

Morgan chuckled. “Gotta love you, kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love supportive Morgan :) What characters reactions would you like to see?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was clear Rossi wasn’t happy with Reid’s announcement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I love a Papa Rossi fic, this isn’t one :/
> 
> Rossi’s response, which is unfortunately based on my own experience. 
> 
> I’m not autistic, so if anything is inaccurate please let me know! Tell me what I did right, too. Any feedback is welcome :)

It had been approximately four hours since Spencer told the team he was autistic, and no one (except Morgan) had said anything about it.

They’d just arrived back at Quantico, and Spencer was about to tell Garcia. He had no hesitation when it came to telling her; she was the only member of the team who never mocked him for his differences. Plus, he’d told everyone else already, and word would get around. It would be better if she found out from him directly. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders, even though his friends had barely reacted. But for some reason, it felt so much easier to be open and himself now that the team knew.

This feeling, unfortunately, was short lived.

“Reid?” Rossi sprinted towards him from the elevator, stopping in front of Spencer and catching his breath.

“Did you mean what you said on the plane?” He asked.

Reid furrowed his brow. “What did I say?”

Rossi closed his eyes for a second, as if he was becoming irritated. “About being...you know...” He glanced off to the side and lowered his voice. “Autistic?”

Spencer wasn’t sure how to respond to this. It was clear to him Rossi wasn’t happy about his announcement. That much was obvious.

“Yes,” Spencer said. “I’m serious.”

Rossi shook his head. “Kid, you’ve got to understand...doctors nowadays...it’s a business. They want to convince people that every little thing about them is some symptom that needs to be diagnosed or something, and they take more of our money.”

“Are you implying autism doesn’t exist?”

“Of course not,” Rossi said. “It does, definitely. But that whole Asperger’s thing is a little extreme. Just labeling people for thinking a bit differently.”

Reid’s mind was blank. 

Rossi continued. “Remember that case a couple years ago, with the kid who didn’t speak? Obviously he was autistic, but you—“

“His name was Sammy, and he’s the reason I figured out I’m autistic.”

Rossi chuckled, shaking his head. “No, Reid, you’re not like that. There isn’t anything wrong with you, you’re just...different,” he insisted.

“I am different, and I’m different because I’m autistic. And there’s nothing wrong with being autistic, by the way.”

“But...But you’re not like that Sammy kid. Reid, we all have our quirks. They don’t need a label.”

“Actually, autism is a spectrum disorder. Every autistic person is going to have a different variety and intensity of traits. For instance, Sammy and I are both touch averse, but him to a greater degree than I am. Some traits of autism include trouble reading social cues, repetitive behaviors, restr—“

“See, what you’re doing right there,” Rossi said. “That’s just one of your quirks.”

“That’s actually a manifestation of my difficulty reading social cues, according to the psychiatrist who evaluated me. I tend to ramble on and on without recognizing if it’s disturbing other people or wrong in the context of a situation. It’s colloquially called ‘infodumping’ in the autistic community.” Spencer paused.“I’ve been trying to work on it.”

“I just don’t understand it, Reid—“

“You said earlier that there isn’t anything wrong with me. Are you insinuating thatthere’s something wrong with being autistic?”

“I...no,” the older man sighed. “There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with being different.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being different until someone you know is different.” With that final statement, Reid turned and left the room.

Spencer ignored Rossi apologizing and callinghis name, walking around him and towards the elevator instead. He’d forgone his plan of telling Garcia and now his only mission was trying not to cry. He wasn’t sure why this rejection by Rossi was making him so emotional; he’d experienced worse.

There was just something about rejection from family—someone who was supposed to love and accept you no matter what—that hurt worse than anything else ever could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rossi is one of those characters who I like less simply because he gets so unreasonably annoyed at Reid’s existence. It’s probably not too far off to assume he would not be the nicest if Reid was diagnosed in the show. 
> 
> Next fic will probably be more with Morgan or JJ’s response. Feel free to recommend characters who’s reactions you want to see!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer never really had an opinion on who Hotch wanted him to work with on a case. But when Hotch put him with JJ, he wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not autistic so if anything is inaccurate please let me know! Any feedback or comments are welcome. Enjoy!

“JJ, you and Reid go to the victims homes. See if there’s anything there that could indicate why they were targeted.”

Spencer never really had an opinion on who Hotch wanted him to work with on a case. But when Hotch put him with JJ, he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. For some reason, she hadn’t spoken to him in almost two weeks. Hadn’tspoken to him genuinely, that is. Every interaction between them had seemed forced and awkward, almost like she was avoiding him. And Spencer had an idea about why, but he hoped it wasn’t true.

The car ride to the first victim’s home had been completely silent. Spencer could tell something was off. JJ seemed standoffish, as if she wanted to distance herself from him as much as possible. He tried not to think about it.

When they arrived, they walked up the steps of the house in tandem...wordlessly. They stopped in the foyer of the victim’s home and glanced at each other before standing in silence.

“I’m going to look around upstairs, why don’t you check things out down here?” JJ suggested after a while.

On the surface there was nothing wrong with them investigating two different parts of the house, but he couldn’t stop a little voice in his head from saying ‘ _she’s trying to avoid me_.’

“Reid?” 

He hadn’t realized he’d been staring at her. _She always calls me Spence_ , he thought. _Why didn’t she call me Spence?_

“Did I do something?” He blurted before he could stop himself.

JJ chuckled awkwardly. “Why would you think that?” she asked, forcing a smile.

“You haven’t spoken to me in 13 days. I mean really, really spoken to me. You’ve said less than a paragraph to me for two weeks.”

No response.

Spencer continued. “And you didn’t call me Spence,” he said. “You always call me Spence.”

JJ shook her head slowly. “No...Spence,” she said. “I’ve just been... stressed. You know,Henry’s about to start kindergarten, and Will and I have both been busier than usual.”

“I—I’m sorry,” he fumbled out. He hadn’t meant to make things all about him.“I didn’t think about that.” 

There was a moment of silent acknowledgement before JJ walked upstairs, leaving Spencerin the foyer. Maybe it was the profiler in him, or maybe he was overthinking it, but Spencer felt like JJ wasn’t being completely honest with him. _She hesitated before answering me_. _And she’s been normal with everyone else on the team_. _It can’t be a coincidence that she’s been different since I told them I’m autistic._ He shook his head quickly as soon as the last thought came, as if trying to clear the guilt and thoughts from his mind and focus on his job. He was being irrational.

Spencer wandered around the bottom floor of the house for a couple minutes, hands clasped in front of him. He didn’t get much done. Why did no one know how to be around him all of a sudden? Spencer sighed and brushed a hand against his face. He hated how much he _felt_ everything. If something bad happened he always took it the hardest. If he was excited about something he always talked about it too much and annoyed his friends, and he read too much into everything to compensate for the trouble he had reading people, and now he felt like he’d hurt his friend, and she had probably brushed off the conversation as quickly as it started, and it didn’t even matter,but it mattered to him, and why couldn’t he just be normal? and he was spiraling, and...

“Hotch wants us back at the police station, Spence.”

“What...” he cleared his throat. “What did you find upstairs?”

“Nothing too interesting. Typical single person stuff, a couple of magazines, cigarettes. Nothing that would make them an obvious target,” JJ gestured in his direction. “What about you?”

“Uh, the same as you. Average stuff,” Spencer said, taking off his gloves and shoving them in his pocket.

“Are you alright?” JJ asked.

“I’m fine.”

__

There had been another murder, and the rest of the team had gone to the scene of the crime since they were closest. JJ and Spencer were at the police station; alone, again, looking over information on the most recent victim. JJ sat at a small round table, while Spencer sat on a desk near a door. They might as well have been in two different worlds.

JJ sighed. “Okay, Spence. I know something’s bothering you, so what is it?”

Spencer didn’t look up from the file he was reading. “Nothings bothering me.”

“That’s not true. You’re doing that thing with your hands.”

“What thing?”

“Where you put one hand over the other and rub them against each other.”

Spencer folded his hands neatly into his lap. “That’s not nearly enough to prove something’s bothering me.”

“‘Kay, well, I know you didn’t actually investigate that house. You would’ve told me every detail of the downstairs if you had.”

“I guess I’m just tired.”

“No, Spence, I...” JJ took a deep breath. “I wasn’t honest with you earlier. I know I’ve been acting weird around you, and I want you to know that it isn’t you. Okay? Just listen to what I’m about to say.”

Spencer nodded.

“Ever since you told the team...what you told us—“

“About?”

“That you’re autistic. I guess I might as well get used to saying it. Since you told us you’re autistic, I don’t know how I’m supposed to treat you.”

Spencer sighed. He’d hoped the way JJ had been towards him wasn’t about that, but it was. He thought for a moment that he shouldn’t have bothered telling the team at all. Spencer glanced at his hands and picked up the pencil beside him, rolling it between his thumb and index finger. “Just treat me the way you always did,” he muttered.

JJ shook her head. “I can’t do that. I realized I haven’t always been the nicest to you when it comes to your...quirks.” She chuckled. “Remember when you told me you don’t like the beach? I thought that was just another Spencer Reid thing and I thought it was weird.”

Spencer shrugged. “I guess it’s weird.”

“But that’s how I thought about most things you do. You don’t like handshakes, you don’t get jokes...”

“Sometimes,” he interjected.

“Sometimes. Right, but...how am I supposed to say this...it’s like if I made fun of someone for...” JJ gestured vaguely. “...walking funny, and then found out they had a prosthetic leg. You having autism is how you are, and I shouldn’t think of it as weird.”

Spencer wasn’t sure how to feel about JJ’s statement. He didn’t understand why it seemed like everyone on the team viewed him as some kind of mystery. While learning he was autistic had helped Spencer understand himself more, everyone else only understood him less. And it seemed like everyone except Morgan and Hotch (he still hadn’t told Penelope) was upset by it.

Like being autistic was a death sentence.

“Spence?” JJ said tentatively.

He took a breath, choosing his words carefully. “I’m just going to tell you the truth. I don’t know how I feel about that,” Spencer admitted. “And I don’t think...” Spencer hesitated. “I guess I’m glad you realized the way you treated me before was wrong. But I’m...upset you didn’t tell me the truth earlier.”

“I know, Spencer, I just know how you get. I didn’t want to offend you.”

“But lying to me _was_ offensive, JJ. I actually thought I was selfish for assuming...” Spencer chuckled lightly. “I don’t know. I’m making things weirder, aren’t I?”

The two sat in silence before returning to their work, and didn’t say anything more about it. But Spencer knew that things had changed between him and JJ, and as much as he wanted things to be normal (whatever that meant) he knew it probably wouldn’t happen anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JJ is another character who can be unreasonably rude to Reid, but I’d like to think she’s going to educate herself and try to understand him more :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s easier talking to people I haven’t known very long. They don’t intrude.” 
> 
> He knew this sounded like a sideways jab at Blake. Maybe it was. She caught it, too.
> 
> “And I did?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blake!   
> This one was kind of hard to write and it's pretty short, but I like it! Hope you do too :) 
> 
> I'm not autistic so if there's anything I did wrong let me know, and tell me what I did right too!

“It seems like the victim was standing here,” Spencer said, pointing to one of the trees placed sporadically on the sidewalk. He and Blake were investigating the scene of the crime, trying to figure out how it took place. “The unsub could have seen them from across the street. It looks like it’s about...35 feet across.”   
“How do you figure that?” Blake asked, gazing at him inquisitively. 

“The lanes in an average two lane American road are each 12 feet wide; this street has 3 lanes. 12 times 3 is 36 but I noticed the distance between cars in the leftmost and middle lane is smaller than in the middle and right lane, indicating that this road is slightly less than 36 feet wide.” 

“Huh.” Blake nodded and the two began walking back towards the car. 

She spoke up after a while. “Hey, Spencer, I was wondering,” Blake said, “When I asked if you had Asperger’s a couple weeks back, why didn’t you say yes?” 

Spencer hesitated.  _ Because I didn’t want to tell anyone,  _ he thought.  _ Because that’s not something you ask people you barely know.  _ “I...wasn’t ready then.” 

They walked in silence for a moment. 

“Right, yeah. I know it was a bit of a weird statement.” 

“It’s fine. I’ve known my whole life I was different, and I know other people see it.” 

“Why’d it take you so long to tell the team, then?” 

Spencer shrugged. “I thought they’d treat me like a baby.” 

Blake chuckled. “They’re your friends, Reid.” 

“I know, but…” Spencer sighed. “They  _ have _ been treating me differently, and I can’t figure out why. Rossi seems to think I’m not actually autistic and JJ’s been acting like she doesn’t know what to do with me. Hotch and Morgan have been fine but... now I have so much explaining to do. They want to know why I didn’t tell them earlier. They know barely anything about my personal life in general and I don’t tell them because…” 

“Because you don’t trust them?” Blake suggested. 

“Maybe,” Spencer stopped walking. “I don’t know. I’m not... the best at expressing how I’m feeling, and the team acts like they can figure it out but they can’t, and it’s frustrating. I’ve known everyone else for so long and they don’t get why I never really open up to them. I put up walls and my friends think they can come in... but I don’t want them to.” He paused. “It’s easier talking to people I haven’t known very long. They don’t intrude.” 

He knew this sounded like a sideways jab at Blake. Maybe it was. She caught it, too.

  
“And I did?” She asked.

Spencer looked off to the side. “Well, yeah. But...I’m not mad at you.” 

  
Blake smiled. “Well, I’ve only known you for a few months and I don’t know much about you, but I  _ do  _ know you’re one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met.” She tilted her head slightly. “Maybe we can start over? No assumptions, no asking personal questions. No trying to profile each other, y’know?” 

“I...guess so.” 

Blake turned so she and Spencer were facing each other and extender her hand. “I’m Dr. Alex Blake.” 

Spencer smiled. “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid and...I don’t like handshakes.” 

They both laughed, and Blake placed her hand in her pocket. “It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Reid.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blake is one of my favorite temporary characters and I love the relationship she and Reid had. I'm halfway through season 11 and Lewis reminds me of her, so I may write her reaction next (even thought it skips a few years and I still haven't done Garcia haha). I'd love to know any other characters reactions you'd like plus autistic Reid or Hotch fic ideas!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An inkling of Spencer’s mind told him he should talk to Garcia. She was good at being empathetic and nonjudgmental.
> 
> And she was the only person on the team who he hadn’t told about his autism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is set within the established events of s8 and while I’m not sure exactly what episode Maeve asks to meet Reid this chapter is set during that one. Yeah. 
> 
> (Disclaimer: I’m not autistic so I feel anything is inaccurate please let me know. Any feedback is welcome.) Enjoy!

When life was going right, Spencer Reid didn’t have good days and bad days. He had good days and off days. On off days, his concentration wasn’t where it was supposed to be, and he couldn’t put up with the efforts social interaction required. The team noticed when Spencer was having an off day: He wasn’t quite as chatty, he would find a remote place to work if he could, he put forth more effort than usual to avoid unfamiliar touch. Most off days there wasn’t anything wrong. He was just off.

Today was an off day.

On this off day things couldn’t have been further from wrong. Things should have been great. Maeve wanted she and Spencer to meet. She thought her stalker was gone. That was all great. Spencer should have been elated, and yet he wasn’t. Why?

Maeve still didn’t know he was autistic.

Was it important that she know? Maybe, maybe not. Did he want her to know? Yes, probably. She’d been nice and accepting the entire time she and Spencer had been talking. Reid had very little doubt in his mind Maeve wouldn’t have a problem with it. Why should anyone? Yet, he was still worried. His friends should have been accepting of him but weren’t. Spencer liked it when things were straightforward and predictable. But in this case things were anything but.

Blake had talked to Spencer about it. She encouraged him to accept. Maeve wouldn’t think he was weird, she said. _She’s going to love you_. But he wasn’t sure.

After the case that day he’d almost decided to accept Maeve’s proposition. _Almost_. He still felt nervous and on edge, and he really didn’t want to have to face any other people. Except Spencer still didn’t know what to do. He wanted to talk to someone who had more experience in this department.

Morgan? No.

Rossi? No. (He didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about something like this, anyway)

An inkling of Spencer’s mind told him he should talk to Garcia. She was good at being empathetic and nonjudgmental. Plus, she was the first to find out about Maeve and was probably dying to know more, Spencer thought with a chuckle.

And she was the only person on the team who he hadn’t told about his autism.

Spencer was a little wary about telling Garcia. Why wouldn’t he be, with the way most of them team reacted? But he told himself it couldn’t be worse than what others said about him. So when the team arrived back at Quantico, he went straight to Penelope’s office.

“Garcia?” He said, knocking on her open door to signal he was there.

She jumped slightly, stopping her typing and turning around in her chair. She smiled when she saw Spencer and stood up, walking towards him.

“What can I do for you, Boy Wonder?”

“I just wanted to...come in here for a while,” he replied lamely.

Penelope seemed puzzled for a moment, then gestured for Spencer to come in and closing the door. She pulled a second chair from a corner and placed it by the wall opposite her computers, which Spencer took. Then she sat back in her chair, facing him, with her hands in her lap.

Spencer absentmindedly picked up arubber Pom Pom ball and tossed it between his hands. He had his feet in the chair and he felt comfortable.

“Is everything alright, Spencer?” Garcia asks.

Spencer placed the ball in his lap and pulled at the individual strings. “The girl I’ve been talking to, Maeve? She wants to meet, and I don’t know what to say. I know I should say yes and I want to but I’m scared,” he said in a rush.

Garcia gasped. “You have to say yes! _Obviously_!”

Spencer raised his eyebrows slightly.

“Sorry,” Garcia said with a smile. “I’m just excited. What are you so worried about?”

“I don’t think she’ll like me,” he admitted.

“What’s not to like about you?”

Spencer pursed his lips and closed his eyes. It was now or never, he thought. “I’m autistic.”

Penelope’s smile faltered slightly, and her expression was replaced with a look of concern. She glanced away from him for a moment before saying, “Okay. Thanks for telling me.”

Spencer was surprised. “You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Because...” Spencer placed the ball back where he’d found it. “I told the rest of the team before you.”

Garcia considered this and picked up the Pom Pom ball. “That’s okay. That’s fine.” She paused. “There wouldn’t happen to be any particular reason why I was the last to know, would there?”

Spencer sighed. “I’ve gotten...mixed reactions from everyone else. I wasn’t sure what you’d think.”

Penelope’s enthusiastic expression returned and she playfully aimed the ball in Spencer’s direction. “You know I love you,” she said.

“I know,” Spencer rubbed his finger against the plastic arm of the chair. “I actually officially found out a year ago. Now that I look back, it was kind of obvious, so it’s strange some people have been so surprised.”

“I’m not,” Garcia replied, shaking her head. “I mean that in the best way possible,” she added hastily. “You’re just you, Reid. I’m not entirely surprised, but I always thought of you as, well, you.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “It’s good to have it out, finally. To everyone.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

“A while ago Emily said she liked that about me, that I was just myself. And I said I didn’t know any other way to be,” Spencer said.

“Maeve is going to love you, Spencer. And if she doesn’t like that you’re autistic, she’s not for you. You don’t need to change for anyone.”

Spencer could feel himself becoming more emotional and placed his feet on the floor as if steadying himself. “For so long I wondered why other people couldn’t be okay with me. I didn’t really get it for a while, and then one day it hit me that I was different, and I didn’t know why but it bothered other people. I still don’t really know why.”

Penelope shrugged. “Some people are just like that, and they aren’t worth your time.”

“My dad...as a kid, he....wasn’t really happy with how I was. Am. I think I was part of the reason he left,” Spencer took a breath. “I guessI told myself it was something to be ashamed of.”

“Aw, Reid,” Garcia reached out to give him a hug, which he accepted. “You know it’s okay for you to be yourself here, right?”

Spencer nodded. “I know, I know. I keep reminding myself of that. But for so long I told myself it wasn’t okay, and other people don’t think it’s okay. Why can’t I just _be_?”

Penelope released Spencer and sighed dramatically. “You know what? I don’t like this. I don’t like that my friend is hurting and I want to help and understand and make everything better.”

He looked down and fiddled his thumbs. “What if Maeve is like that? What if she’s not okay with me?”

Garcia looked up as if in thought. “You won’t know unless you try, will you? Does she seem like the kind of person to reject who you are?”

“No.”

Garcia smiled reassuring, tossing the Pom Pom ball to Spencer. “Then I say go for it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After finishing season 11 I have concluded that Reid definitely knows he’s autistic and masks around the team, I also think Reid’s conversation with the autistic suspect in episode 22 was supposed to be canon confirmation that Reid is autistic but in typical criminal minds fashion it was very convoluted and indirect SO in conclusion is Reid canonically autistic? Yes. Will I still say I don’t know if it’s canon? Also yes.  
> Pretty sure this is the last chapter but I may write Lewis’ reaction, set around the s11 finale.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter. It takes place shortly after the events of s11e22. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I’m not autistic so if anything is offensive or inaccurate please let me know! Any feedback/ comments are appreciated:)

“Reid, great job with that suspect Ashertoday.”

Spencer looked up to see Lewis taking a seat across from him on the jet. Tara Lewis, the on and off newest member of the team, and forensic psychologist. “Thanks,” he replied.

“It’s wild how you were able to identify he was autistic so quickly.”

“I seem to have a talent for that,” Spencer said, glancing off to the side.

Lewis chuckled. “You know, I’m a psychologist, and I never would have picked up on it, especially considering he was high functioning.”

Right.

With Lewis being the newest member of the team, she didn’t know he was autistic.

Reid wondered vaguely if she’d picked up on his autistic traits. Most people marked him as odd seconds after they met him; who wouldn’t think an FBI agent avoiding handshakes was weird?

“I can’t imagine how a guy like him would handle being arrested,” she continued.

He closed the book he had been reading, tilting his head slightly. “Actually, accommodating individuals with autism and other neurodevelopment disorders in the prison system is an ongoing social issue. ”

“I’ll bet. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of an autistic person going to prison.”

Spencer shrugged. “It’s not talked about much, plus a lot of autistic prisoners most likely haven’t been diagnosed. There’s also an unfortunate problem of law enforcement officers not knowing how to interact with autistic people or police being called on those experiencing meltdowns or exhibiting behavior that could be perceived as defiant by neurotyp—er, non-Autistic people. Occurances like that are fairly common but rarely get mainstream coverage.”

Lewis pondered this statement, looking up as if in thought. “Yeah, I don’t think I was taught anything about how to interact with an autistic suspect.” She shifted her position slightly. “Guess it’s a good thing you were there.”

Spencer pursed his lips. “I guess so.”

“So, what, did you read all this somewhere, Mr. Autodidact? How’d you know what to do with Asher?”

Spencer hesitated for a moment. “Well...I’m autistic,” he said plainly.

“Ah,” Lewis said with a nod and familiar smile. “Well, like I said, it’s a good thing we have you around.”

With that, she stood and went back to her original seat.

Spencer didn’t open his book again, only glanced out the window, brushing his hand against his chin and resting it there while he reflected. He was grateful for the past few years of self discovery and experiences both good and bad. Spencer had a complicated relationship with change, but he could say with certainty that he’d changed for the better. He’d become a stronger person, a better profiler, a better member of the BAU family.

The team had changed for the better, too.

They’d become more accepting of him and his differences. When Lewis had first arrived he’d overheard Hotch telling her he didn’t like handshakes. He thought about how Morgan told Savannah he didn’t like hugs. It was the little things like that which made Spencer feel more comfortable with them. He felt a pang as he recalled how Morgan assured him everything would be fine despite him leaving. Of course Antonia Slade was right; Spencer had been masking his grief around the others. But it helped to know they cared about him even if they didn’t quite know how to help him. Was it still hard? Sure, but it was nice having a family who tried their best. No group of people was perfect. All that mattered was that he was a valued member of the team. The others liked having him around, and no matter how hard it got, it was good being there.

Spencer reopened his book. “Yeah. It is,” he whispered to himself, smiling as he did so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had absolutely no idea what to write for his chapter (hence why I haven’t posted in weeks) but I like how it turned out! I’ve since finished s12 so I’m thinking of doing a fic with Reid in prison and a couple of character studies. I hope you liked this story, I’d love to know if there’s anything in particular you’d like me to write :)


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